Damaged Goods

Jenna (30 Rock Live): "I will slip a nip"

2011-02-02T10:45:00.000-05:00

This is me...

2010-01-28T13:50:00.002-05:00

That's why they call it "Haiti"!

2010-01-25T05:33:00.007-05:00

This "Hate" or "Haiti", (whatever) must be really sick I guess! Or, Friday night was yet another excuse for famous people to get together and sing!...
Unfortunately I did not sing , again! First at Michael's memorial, now this! I was asked to join Madonna's choir and may be I shouldn't have refused now that I come to think of it... All the singers were African-Americans... And I am taller too!
George asked me to answer a phone that kept on ringing during the entire night and so I did!
People offered me lots of money, constantly, but I turned them down some of them less politely than others : "You can't buy me, yeah! I hate you too!"

We are not dating!

2009-11-01T06:09:00.004-05:00

It is a lovely image, I know, I am photogenic, I can't help it, everyone tells me that but sorry guys this is not a romantic snap-shot! I was telling Kenneth and he can back me up on this, about the woman you see on the background (well you can see her arm), how she passed me by and did not seem to recognize me! And there is more to that story. I followed her in the ladies room and not even there, in the bright, unflattering lights did she seem to mind who was renewing their lipstick over and over again! Not even a fake attempt to say something normal to approach me, like: "Do you have a tampon?" and appeal to a woman's solidarity!...
All that suiting-me-perfectly-color lipstick at least paid off: I look gorgeous!

Ladies & Gentlemen be prepared for landing! (or should I say take-off?)...

2009-09-16T02:22:00.006-04:00

Well it is good to be back!
After a long, sunny, relaxing summer one thing came to my mind! Sequence, feathers, beads, spotlights, music, singing! Ok, maybe more than one! And Diana is a pioneer, wouldn't you agree?
Please notice her outfit and back me up on this: Isn't it time Jenna Maroney added some class to that show?!...

From which balcony?

2009-07-14T09:24:00.004-04:00

I am not out to steal anyone's job, my dearest Waldorf & Statler but I have to remind especially Statler that women would do anything to get married and furthermore to have The Most Original Wedding, something that noone has seen before.

United Breaks Guitars

2009-07-14T04:20:00.006-04:00

They should be thanking United for breaking their "Taylor" Guitar and sharing their profits...
Wouldn't I be perfect for a stewardess? I should be firing my publicist some time soon...

Associated Chairs

2009-07-08T04:58:00.009-04:00

My dear friend Sandy was seated next to me yesterday during Michael Jackson's Memorial and asked me if she could quote me for her article . She really liked my thoughts and I gave her my permission. Rumour has it she had somewhere else to be later and she didn't have time to write her version of the story but don't you think I should be mentioned somewhere? I have to ask Liz about that. Adding this to my list of "tacky" among yellow ties, silver sparkling gloves, etc...

Miss Jenna's speech at the Michael Jackson Memorial Service

2009-07-07T10:32:00.002-04:00

Miss Lemon asked me to post this for Miss Jenna:

or did she say mail?

Your secret's not safe with me!

2009-06-26T05:46:00.008-04:00

"The late King of Pop pioneered dance moves that looked mechanical and weren't, like the moonwalk, and at least one that looked mechanical and was: The forward-leaning maneuver from his "Smooth Criminal" video. The secret is all in the shoes.

Trying to lean beyond one's center of gravity normally leads to a giant, awkward step forward to retain balance, so to achieve the 45-degree angle he wanted, Michael and his dancers used special shoes as well as a trick in the stage floor. When the time came for the move, a peg-like aperture would protrude from the dance floor. The heel of the dancers' shoes featured a triangular cut out that could be hitched onto the peg, anchoring the dancers to lean much farther forward, and thus blowing the world's collective mind. "

"It' s like spoiling the magic of Christmas to a child ", you would say... After all those years of wondering, I found out how he did it...
Don' t you wanna know too?

Smooth Move...

2009-06-26T05:15:00.006-04:00

Yes, the blond little girl is really me...

And he never touched me...

Photo(sh)op

2009-06-18T05:17:00.008-04:00

Mary-Louise Parker had regretted showing her breasts on Weeds' finale or so I had read somewhere. I could really sympathize with her! Fame is cruel and she's been exposed to paparazzi and critisism for so many years. I remember I was in my high-school years when Fried Green Tomatoes was released...
But I guess I got it all wrong. She regrets showing her breasts because she prefers exposing her ass!

Miles Away

2009-06-08T03:52:00.003-04:00

My friend Madonna sent me this new video of her song "Miles Away"...
She didn't do anything special, mind you, just some editing...
Well, enjoy!

"Who are you?" indeed!!

2009-06-05T16:09:00.004-04:00

I hope you enjoy!..
I know I did!

Bras de fer

2009-06-03T06:17:00.010-04:00

I was never reprimanded like that! Do you think that's fair? My talent first and now my looks are not appreciated around here!

And to set the record straight: I was about to marry Gerhardt Messerschmit Ramenstein Von Hap!

Make him chase the chunk!...

2009-05-25T13:26:00.006-04:00

Once "mad men" start coming your way, you can rest assured you are really famous!
And when you see subtitles, you are a Star!
Comme moi!...

I was supposed to be Samantha...

2009-05-25T11:56:00.006-04:00

Excellent advice for a stunning figure!

2009-05-22T04:56:00.004-04:00

I missed you! I admit it!
I have a confession to make.
Before rumours start spreading, hear it from the horse:
I was on a meditating exercise. Lots of other famous people were there... But, I can't say more...
It was fabulous! We weren't supposed to speak for a whole week, which was rather difficult at first but then so "Children of a lesser God"!
Like a spa for my voice!
Anyway...
Here's a little something from my "better half":

Travis Davenport

2009-05-15T03:06:00.012-04:00

Why are all the really cute men never credited, can anyone tell me?
Why do we keep their names (and numbers) a secret?
Yes, this is Audrey Tautou AND Travis Davenport people!
Height : 6'2"
Chest: 37.5
Waist:30.5
Men Shoe: 11
Hair: Light Brown
Eyes: Green
Travis has a twin brother named Brian who also is a model.
Can you imagine? If let's say, if, you get rejected, you have another chance!...

My future boyfriend is now 1 year old...

2009-05-14T06:33:00.019-04:00

Me and my friend Madonna have so many things in common. Success, fans, recognition...We also follow kabbalah and have the same taste in men apparently! I have to admit that I was recently mistaken, when I saw this picture in a magazine and I said to myself: "Quite old this new boy, Madonna is fighting to adopt"... Blame it on the skin tone I guess! This post is dedicated to my friend Madonna who always gets what she wants!

Should this even be up for discussion?

2009-05-12T02:48:00.006-04:00

When fame knocks on your door, strange things start to happen, people are jealous and sometimes even cruel... My dear readers, I guess my genuine admiration for from the balcony has provoked my enemies and I am now compared to fictional characters! Can anyone really find any similarities to these pictures?

The three mouseketeers

2009-05-08T02:57:00.016-04:00

Everyone, you would say, knows, thanks to Mr. Boyle, who they are, wouldn't you?... My dearest fans you have been mislead and I can no longer tolerate it!
Well, the time has come for me to speak, I have an obligation to you and to my art. They are certainly not Athos, Porthos and Aramis. I don't know who thought of those ridiculous names anyway!

Britney, Justin and myself (I just zoomed in on the lovely couple, that's why you can't see me). This is a picture that proves more than one point: We were the three mouseketeers, Mr. Boyle long before you stole our fame (and on those Academy Awards you had so many opportunities to say " Thank you Jenna!" )...
Britney, if I may add here, is 29!
For all those who have something to say about my age!...

Bobby Brown, now I understand!...

2009-05-06T08:10:00.003-04:00

As part of my training as an actress, I was taught the method of methods approach. Since I was cast for the part of Janis Joplin I have to be her during this preparation period. Imagine, my dear readers, my discomfort when I was brutally forbidden to drive Janis Joplin's Porsche 356 convertible, as part of my dedication to the part, this idol, my fans!...
Whitney Museum, I never expected this from you! This is what I get for singing "Greatest love of all" for my birthday!

The Japanese Diet

2009-05-05T06:06:00.019-04:00

All of you know by now that I tried the japanese diet.
A friend of mine, a porn star, recommended it. Well if you have to know, it feels like anorexia but with it's benefits! I got photographed a lot and some strange rumors began spreading, which of course was fabulous! My publisher forced me to quit, when he realised it had become a trend with other celebrities. I don't wanna go there but since you are about to ask, yes it was one of the twins (I never can say who is who with these two), Richie's (supposed) daughter, Ford's extremely younger (and badly botoxed) wife, even gorgeous Beckham's untalented ex-Spice!
I have to go to make-up...

Jenna is learning how to blog

2009-05-04T15:06:00.006-04:00

My dearest fans,
First I would like to stress out that this is really me!
So please forgive me if I, due to my busy schedule, don't have the time to reply to the thousands of fan-mail I receive every day.